There are no ways to describe that fear, I have called it unexpected fear, as this is what happened when I started the depression pack on Headspace meditation app.
By unexpected fear I mean one of those moments when you are doing something that seems so routine, and all of a sudden, for no apparent reason you feel agitated, scared, angry, embarrassed, or any of a number of possible emotions. As these emotions are all rooted in fear, when you figure out the real issue.
Now you might be thinking why I have started the depression pack. Well, first off I am not depressed, at least not to my knowledge, but then again based on the significant reaction starting the depression pack in Headspace might prove otherwise, but more likely that I have issues with the concept of depression. But my reason for starting the pack was to further explore relieving the tensions of daily life, whether they are from work, being a blogger, to an amateur athlete, working through a career change and of course balancing all this with a little time to myself, eating, sleeping, and other basic necessities. I figured I am probably feeling a lot of stress that could easily push me to depression, and better to bite in the butt early before it ever happens, or gets bad. Thus I started this pack to further use meditation to improve my quality of life.
I think for me, when I look back, the fear was not even related to the actual meditation; essentially the structure, and actual actions that I performed were no different then the many hours I had done previously on other topics using meditation. Thus, I believe what it really came down to was the label of “depression”, every other pack I had done up to now was either neutrally labelled from my point of view, or positive. For example “Level 1”, “focus”, “competition”, and “patience”.
To learn what I learned from the experience of doing the “depression” pack after 4 days head on over to my inner game blog and read on.
The experience thus, far has been eye opening, with my ability to sit with the fear, and not be running for the hills. Also, I feel like I am making real headway, either through this pack or the last (patience), or some combination of both, as the time it takes me to notice, and relieve myself from the stresses of a very busy worklife this busy season have been seconds to minutes in over 90% of cases; as opposed to other years where it was more like one continuous bad, or stressed mood all day, and spilling over on too the next day, or my precious weekends. Thus my quality of life has dramatically improved.
The other aspect of life that has improved dramatically has been my enjoyment of the good moments and my motivation to pursue my goals after work. This has been instrumental in being capable of finding a more general sense of calm through out my life, again improving my quality of life.
But, and this is important, so read carefully, this is not going to happen overnight for anyone. I have been consistently meditating at least 3 days (now up to 5 or 6) a week now for a total of 75 sessions, at 10 minutes a session. It has been about a 6 month journey so far. Thus like anything worth doing it will take lots of hard work just like training for an ultra marathon is a long-term contract with yourself, so meditation need the same respect.
Always be reaching for your potential!!!!